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Sunday, April 14, 2013

History 101 - Part 1

Welcome to the first of (hopefully) many of the Saturday Super Stories, written by my partner-in-crime Jason, with commas anally inserted by myself.  The plan is to post one of these every Saturday.  These stories are intended to give you both an outside view of the Super U-niverse as well as some pertinent background information... in other words, to make my satirical world of boobs, blood and bad words more real. Make sure you show Jason some love... he's had the roughest week imaginable, and he can really use your support.


My name is Mercedes Whitman and I am a hero on a foreign world. I'm the daughter of two heroes, and I was trapped on this Earth during The Event that sealed the way back home forever. They call me Black Sapphire when I'm out patrolling the streets, and this is my Blog.


"Because you're still green, girlie," Walters snarled at her.

"It's not my fault! Shrulk keeps shifting its energy spectrum, and my momentum-alteration ability only seems to slow it down, causing a shit-ton of collateral damage!  Sorry if I really don't want to cost some family their home."

"That's not the problem. You have enough power to hold your own against SuperDude for a few minutes.  Shrulk is a cake-walk for him." Walters' cane clicked against the stone as he walked to the massive line of servers and hardware that made up the computer system that he used to help solve his criminal investigations. "Come here and sit down.  You are going to go over every Shrulk encounter, starting at the beginning, and come up with a strategy to defeat shim... it."


"No bitching. You're just lucky I got everyone in the WMD to do their paperwork after cases, or else you would only be relying on my POV, and we all know that's slanted." The corner of his mouth twitched, and she knew that was the closest she would ever get to a smile from him.

She nodded, tapped the keyboard and started with the origin of Shrulk the Transgender Gestalt of Zeta Ray Technology.

* * * * * * *

Professor Randall Jessup and his sister Erica Jessup were working late in the evening on October 17th when a horrible accident ripped through the foundation of their laboratory in New Mexico.

They were left merged together and hideous, their skin now a bruised purple and their veins burning with green energy. The left arm and right leg were more feminine and slender than their opposites, and there were bits of skin tight armor covering parts of the anatomy. The musculature was misshapen in most places. His/Her hair was a combination of the two, long and blond and short and brown in patches. One eye was blue and female, and the other blue/green and male.

Two hours after the accident had created the She/He had burst forth into the desert, and randomly headed towards Los Juegos.


SuperDude was soaring through the heavens, enjoying a cool evening. His hand brushed the stuff off clouds and he drifted back towards the Earth below. He had not been imbued by the Star Force, Dawnbringer, to be idle. He had a responsibility to humanity to help and aid it whenever he was able.

A small explosion drew his eyes to the distance, and suddenly several more bursts of lights flashed, followed by a final giant ball of fire that rose high into the air. He adjusted his trajectory and pushed forward, increasing his speed to arrive just before the light from the final explosion faded.

Several cars and bodies were strewn about in the raging fires of a gas station. It appeared as if something had plowed through it... something the size of a sedan. He walked into the flames' path, the heat barely registering upon his skin. He located what he sought: a massive purple beast running towards the far distant lights of the Los Juegos strip.

He dashed after it, and when he arrived within earshot, he screamed, "HOLD!" The creature stumbled to a stop, its uneven legs creating an awkward gait. It turned, an eyebrow cocked over its feminine eye, and moved its head side to side.

"What manner of creature are you,” it asked, its voice gravelly and intertwined with the sounds of a male and a female.

"I was just about to ask of you that very same question," SuperDude responded. "The public has taken to calling me SuperDude!" he exclaimed.

"Huh...never heard of you." It started to turn away when a hand grasped its shoulder, holding it in place. "Take your hand from me." It growled.

"I'm afraid I cannot oblige that. You seem to have killed several people, and damaged thousands of dollars in --" He was sailing backwards through the air before he even realized he had been struck.  He forced himself to stop and his wake caused a small cloud to waft around him. "– property." He shook his head and drifted back towards the creature. "You should not have done that. I will allow it, for you may not be within your right mind."

Shrulk laughed. "You think so?" It cocked its head to the side again and sniffed the air. "I can smell the power within you. Massive energy... so much, so close." It took one step and then another until it was running straight at him. Its arms reached out and it narrowed the gap as if to tackle him.

SuperDude landed and stuck out his hand, planting it against Shrulk's chest, stopping it cold in its stride. He pulled back his other hand and his fingers rolled into a fist and collided with the monsters chin, launching it upwards and carrying it into the night sky. SuperDude pushed off and trailed after it, quickly intercepting it and driving another fist into its face, sending it reeling in a slight spin into the Earth below. It crashed and made a crater twice its size, and he followed.

It pulled its head up and looked confused before dropping back down, unconscious. He landed and frowned. 'Perhaps the Spiral can deal with the incarceration of the beast.' SuperDude thought to himself, scooping the monster up.


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